Birthday poem I am ..... 🤷🏽♀️years old
I’m at an age and stage in my life where nothing really surprises me. I feel like I can handle anything. I take life in stride. situations do not shake me.
But as I’m approaching my 40th birthday I’ve been thinking lately of the things that do surprise me. They are more subtle things that can only be realized over time.
Like my little girl is approaching ten and it’s gone by in the blink of an eye. And I probably won’t have more babies. And that makes me sort of sad but I’m not surprised. I always imagined I’d be this great matriarch but never really wanted any children. And maybe I will never get married.
Im surprised I live alone and never intended to. I’d rather surround myself w bustle, artists, activists. I should live in a commune,
I’m surprised that I have a landscaping company i never intended to and I’m still not sure I want. I’m surprised I’ve pulled off this unconventional life for so long -I think i will just keep doing it.
I have no desires or goals but maybe I should think of my bucket list, learning to hunt and dive. I’m surprised, that it’s fair to say I’m middle aged
and my body is strong in someways and slowing down and strange in others. I won’t be surprised if some day I need some surgery for a lose hip or a shoulder hinge bec really it’s not the age it’s the milage.
I’ve accepted the metaphor of the car and realize how similar this body is. As I drive my new truck snowflake and still seek to sell my good old one I just can’t seem to let go of, bec she was so loyal to me, I’m surprised by the unfolding of events, it turns out she owes me nothing.
I’m surprised that I stopped writing. Somewhat abruptly and i can’t really explain it, I’ve hobbled along writing lists to capture snippets of my life. A poem here and there. Maybe I can go back and capture those Facebook posts. I wish I had written when I was pregnant and a new mom. Still Trying to process what amounts to my youth really
I think of being 20 and realize the best years of my life were those early days starting out living in the woods in chilmark, we didn’t have any real responsibilities or worry about tomorrow
But I feel surprisingly changed like age does bring wisdom
I take my sweet time, the all or nothing list. I worry I won’t get to see enough of the world.
I’d like to be having a party not another pandemic birthday. I’d gather the few good friends I have left and sit around a fire and SING bec turning 40 seems like kinda a big thing. These milestones that mark the decades
